i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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