from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
