i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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