Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
