When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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