Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
