Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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