so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
