I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
