I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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