My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize