my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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