we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
