My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
