I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
