I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
