Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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