I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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