No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
