So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
