It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
