So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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