i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
