the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
