What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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