apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
