I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I didn't shave. On purpose
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
