My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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