I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
