I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
In other news, I just burned my penis
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
