From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
