why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Randomize
