how can u be prego again
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
