I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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