I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
