i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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