I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
