I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
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