Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
