Small penises have feelings too.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
