she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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