Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
