just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
