i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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