i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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