shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i came on her dog
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
