You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
