he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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