Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
babies were throwing up all over the place
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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