grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Bring me that man meat
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
