You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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