So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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