I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
