So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
