ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
