she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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