How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
