We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
