I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
