She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
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