He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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