Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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