Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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